you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
