The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
