she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
