I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
