Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
