It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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