its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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