her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
