She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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