Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
