Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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