Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
