im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
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Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
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I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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