What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
barbara walters just said penis...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
