Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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