So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
