Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
