Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
