I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
