my mouth tastes like poor choices
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
