Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
