i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
This baby is an asshole
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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