last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
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I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
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Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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