Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
