Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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