So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
how does that bad decision feel?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
