Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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