i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
