To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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