areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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