Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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