There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
His nipple licking is glorious
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