Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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