My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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