DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
