the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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