She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
