In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
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Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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