Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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