no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
