that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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