I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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