And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
