I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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