Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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