the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
