HIV tests are more positive than that guy
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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