ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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