I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
