when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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