I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
