So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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