I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
