i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
