It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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