Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
