Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
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i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
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You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
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