I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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