He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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