i love accidental penises.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
