to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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