I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
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as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
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Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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