Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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