I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
