that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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