yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
