Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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