Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
