chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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