and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
