I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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