Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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